UKAZU Happenings

It's been too long, my friend; it is time again for tequila and chile.

Meet me at the Old Town Tortilla Factory in downtown Scottsdale, this Thursday at 8:00pm. We will raise our glasses high and toast to your brother's sister, my dog pancho, and your damned bitch ex-girlfriend. Later, we will howl at the moon and laugh like carefree, drunk school boys.

Some people say things like, "I'm really a dog-lover at heart." That makes me think I could really be a Mexican at stomach. Mmmmm; yes.

>>>> Thursday
>>>> 8:00pm
>>>> Old Town Tortilla Factory
>>>> Tequila, Margaritas, Mexican Beers
>>>> Appetizers, Dinner, Whatever
>>>> RSVP to ME

And now, a bevy of links, so you know what you're getting into.

The Old Town Tortilla Factory Map
*Note: this map is not the property of The Old Town Tortilla Factory (TOTTF) or its managing partners. Yahoo! Maps, all rights reserved, et cetera, and so on, and so forth.

The Old Town Tortilla Factory Menu
*Note: this menu contains items which sound really, really good and caused me to salivate. Profusely. All over the damned place. It was gross.

The Old Town Tortilla Factory Tequila Guide
*Note: tequila has been known to make people do things like streak buck-wild and naked across neighboring lawns, pee gracefully, albeit illegally, in fountains, and jump out on the tracks in the futile attempt to stop that damned train. Know its power -- handle it with respect.

The Old Town Tortilla Factory Virtual Tour
*Note: this ride is not for short kids under 3'4", big ol' pregnant ladies, or persons with a history of complete and spontaneous heart failure. Sucks to be those kinds of people, they don't get to have no fun.

Posted by Paul at 12:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

There once was a lady of East,
Who flew far West for release,
and when she arrived,
put her troubles aside,
and danced all night on her feets.

Everyone, let's go party. Whether you like to drink, dance, drink and dance or dance and drink, Axis/Radius will accommodate your style. If your steez is building miniature Smurf figurines with cute little blue felt bodies and beady black eyes that come alive with wonder and excitement -- well, there's always drinking and dancing.

>>> Axis/Radius
>>> 10:30ish Saturday
>>> Get Decked, Come to Party

Call me if you need help lacing up your 'vintage' velcro shoes with holographic scenes from the cartoon hit "Transformers", want some advice on whether you should wear the fuschia shirt with the little polka dots that look like baboon nipples or the chartreuse pants with the azure paisley print and the handmarks on the ass -- but for the love of trucker-sized belt buckles with genuine imitation gemstones, if you don't know where Axis/Radius is, give yourself 12 lashings with a medium switch, and then click-click-click to Yahoo! Maps.

Posted by Paul at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This Saturday at 5:00pm we're going to the Monastery to drink beer.

*** As far as I know, this Monastery doesn't have Franciscans, Tibetans, or any other variety of robed men who abstain from earthly pleasures in the hopes of achieving alignment with the Kosmos and experiencing Emptiness, Oneness, and Nirvana. This Monastery is filled with people who like to drink beer, eat hamburgers, and play games. I don't know the cause for the common nomenclature, but we'll get to the bottom of that matter on Saturday night.

Onward. The Monastery is an out of the way joint with plenty of space for us to kill an afternoon. I mentioned the beer, but the Monastery also features volleyball, billiards, ping pong, bowling, and horseshoes. We'll eat burgers, chicken, steaks, polish sausages -- whatever you can cook on a grill. We buy the food in individual, prepped portions and then grill it up at our leisure.

Whooodeehoo? This event should please everyone except vegetarians and minors. Sorry. If you're a 21 year old vegetarian, come along for the volleyball and the beer. If you're an 18 year old cannibal, you can't come, but feel free to talk to Denisenko, he'll show you to some beef.

Whattatay? It's gonna be the baddest ass picnic-style whoop-de-whoo and you don't have to prep anything at all. Show up with but a scant amount of scratch and we'll make it happen.

Wheresy? Mappaway

Whenneda? Saturday, February 8th, 2003 at 5:00pm

Why-aye-aye? Because I don't know about you people, but I'm seriously xalweriojxnvoijsdf. Yeah, already. So we're gonna go relax.

Howally? Oh, man. It's gonna be easy cheese. Just show up, the rest will take care of itself.

Posted by Paul at 08:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)