For people who are afraid of bowling, people, and other people's shoes, there will be domestic beer and select imports to ease your jitters. People who are afraid of beer will have to rely on their own fortitude and brace themselves for sobriety.

For those of you who think that all UKAZU events must involve fine foods, there will surely be a wide variety of cultural treats available by vending machine throughout the evening, and until approximately 10pm the snack bar will serve pretzels, french fries, nachos and hot dogs. Extra nacho cheese can be added to any item for $.50, and chili can be added for $1.00.

I will also do my best to ensure that our bowling alley plays rock music, preferably at considerable volume.

Registration for the Open will be open through the 23rd of December, at which point it will be closed. If you want in, which is to say that you don't want to miss out on what is sure to be a bitchin' party, please send me an e-mail with your name and an idea for a team name. Your name will help me remember who my friends are, and the team names will help me get psyched about how badass this evening is going to be.

Please also indicate in your e-mail whether or not you would like nacho cheese and whether you'll be renting shoes. I can't really help with either, but I'm interested; I care about you.

Don't misread me. I'm seriously serious about this bowling thing and I think you should be involved.

On Tuesday night, we're going to Los Dos Molinos for roast-your-ass New Mexican eating and margaritas so good you'll wonder how they do it with such crap tequila. I've said it before, but it bears repeating: "Los Dos is one of those places you really should be able to say you've tried if you claim any expertise about this "Valley of the Sun." We're going."

Who? Whoever RSVPs.
What? We're going to eat Mexican food and drink margaritas. The restaurant isn't expensive or fancy and the food is good. What's not to like?
Where? Los Dos Molinos, Phoenix [Map]
When? 6pm, June 10, 2003.
Why? Well, I'm not saying it's a reason, but you know, I'm kinda moving. Don't come for my sake, but if you want to see me before I peace outta here, this is probably the last occasion.

I will be following two delightful young ladies (Cory and Kiley) from North Carolina around this weekend. Apparently they are going to show me some cool things to do in Phoenix. Might I suggest that you scrap all your weekend plans and join us?

Thursday Night
==============
ACME, Tempe
10:30 PM
Act like the college student you are/once were/hope to be. Drink upside down, say rude things to pretty girls, and puke in the parking lot, if you please. Remember my 21st birthday party at ACME? How everybody had fun? With the talking, laughing, and dancing? I don't. Come remind me, because it sure sounded like a good time. Wish I had been there (conscious).

Friday Night
============
Mickey's Hangover
10:30 PM
We're going to Mickey's Hangover to drink beer. After we drink beer, we'll smile in a satisfied kind of way, and order another, thankyouverymuch.

Saturday Night
==============
Opium Lounge (early)
Axis-Freakin'-Radius, Baby (later)
Opium is running good drink specials early (thanks to the HBSA), so we're gonna start out lounging and once we're good and fired up, we're gonna hit Axis-nt-nt-nt-nt-nt-Radius for some nt-nt-nt-nt-nt-dance-dance-dancing.

--------------
If you can't shirk responsibility all weekend like me, pick one night and do it right. I promise you a good time or your money back. And I don't take such matters lightly -- I only say it because participation is totally free.

Professor Daniel Brouwer, Communication
"The Rhetoric of the Body"
Monday, April 21st, 2003
Memorial Union, Pima Room

Professor Chris Smith, History
"Looking for History Everywhere and Anywhere I Can Find It: Insights from the American Material and Popular Culture"
Tuesday, April 29th, 2003
Memorial Union, Pima Room

All lectures begin with a reception at 7:00 pm and the lectures follow at 7:30.

For more information contact Co-Curricular Programs at (480) 965-9600 or visit their website.

The time has come and the ripe age of 24 is upon me.
I'd love it if you all could join me for some good
old-fashioned toilet humor, drinks, and tomfoolery.

Who: You!
What: Gabe's 24th Birthday
When: Saturday April 5th, 2003
Where: The Blue Agave for Dinner/Drinks
MAP IT ---> http://www.azeats.com/blueagave/map.htm
8:30 - 10:30 P.M.

Axis/Radius for dancing and tom foolery
10:31 till ??

I'd love to see you all there if only for a couple
drinks or some hip-swaying songs. Get out, live a
little, and chop it up with the Ukazu crew. I can't
think of a better way to spend a Saturday night.

-Gabe "Whats my age again?" Ramirez

Meet me at the Old Town Tortilla Factory in downtown Scottsdale, this Thursday at 8:00pm. We will raise our glasses high and toast to your brother's sister, my dog pancho, and your damned bitch ex-girlfriend. Later, we will howl at the moon and laugh like carefree, drunk school boys.

Some people say things like, "I'm really a dog-lover at heart." That makes me think I could really be a Mexican at stomach. Mmmmm; yes.

>>>> Thursday
>>>> 8:00pm
>>>> Old Town Tortilla Factory
>>>> Tequila, Margaritas, Mexican Beers
>>>> Appetizers, Dinner, Whatever
>>>> RSVP to ME

And now, a bevy of links, so you know what you're getting into.

The Old Town Tortilla Factory Map
*Note: this map is not the property of The Old Town Tortilla Factory (TOTTF) or its managing partners. Yahoo! Maps, all rights reserved, et cetera, and so on, and so forth.

The Old Town Tortilla Factory Menu
*Note: this menu contains items which sound really, really good and caused me to salivate. Profusely. All over the damned place. It was gross.

The Old Town Tortilla Factory Tequila Guide
*Note: tequila has been known to make people do things like streak buck-wild and naked across neighboring lawns, pee gracefully, albeit illegally, in fountains, and jump out on the tracks in the futile attempt to stop that damned train. Know its power -- handle it with respect.

The Old Town Tortilla Factory Virtual Tour
*Note: this ride is not for short kids under 3'4", big ol' pregnant ladies, or persons with a history of complete and spontaneous heart failure. Sucks to be those kinds of people, they don't get to have no fun.

Everyone, let's go party. Whether you like to drink, dance, drink and dance or dance and drink, Axis/Radius will accommodate your style. If your steez is building miniature Smurf figurines with cute little blue felt bodies and beady black eyes that come alive with wonder and excitement -- well, there's always drinking and dancing.

>>> Axis/Radius
>>> 10:30ish Saturday
>>> Get Decked, Come to Party

Call me if you need help lacing up your 'vintage' velcro shoes with holographic scenes from the cartoon hit "Transformers", want some advice on whether you should wear the fuschia shirt with the little polka dots that look like baboon nipples or the chartreuse pants with the azure paisley print and the handmarks on the ass -- but for the love of trucker-sized belt buckles with genuine imitation gemstones, if you don't know where Axis/Radius is, give yourself 12 lashings with a medium switch, and then click-click-click to Yahoo! Maps.

*** As far as I know, this Monastery doesn't have Franciscans, Tibetans, or any other variety of robed men who abstain from earthly pleasures in the hopes of achieving alignment with the Kosmos and experiencing Emptiness, Oneness, and Nirvana. This Monastery is filled with people who like to drink beer, eat hamburgers, and play games. I don't know the cause for the common nomenclature, but we'll get to the bottom of that matter on Saturday night.

Onward. The Monastery is an out of the way joint with plenty of space for us to kill an afternoon. I mentioned the beer, but the Monastery also features volleyball, billiards, ping pong, bowling, and horseshoes. We'll eat burgers, chicken, steaks, polish sausages -- whatever you can cook on a grill. We buy the food in individual, prepped portions and then grill it up at our leisure.

Whooodeehoo? This event should please everyone except vegetarians and minors. Sorry. If you're a 21 year old vegetarian, come along for the volleyball and the beer. If you're an 18 year old cannibal, you can't come, but feel free to talk to Denisenko, he'll show you to some beef.

Whattatay? It's gonna be the baddest ass picnic-style whoop-de-whoo and you don't have to prep anything at all. Show up with but a scant amount of scratch and we'll make it happen.

Wheresy? Mappaway

Whenneda? Saturday, February 8th, 2003 at 5:00pm

Why-aye-aye? Because I don't know about you people, but I'm seriously xalweriojxnvoijsdf. Yeah, already. So we're gonna go relax.

Howally? Oh, man. It's gonna be easy cheese. Just show up, the rest will take care of itself.

I've hijacked a pontoon boat. We're going drinking on it. You, me, and the first 11 Ukazu freebooters that RSVP. We're going Boozin' and Cruzin' on Saturday evening. Then, we'll eat and listen to live music at the Coffee Grounds. We'll just float our way over to the little restaurant - it's on the lake. Coffee Grounds recently re-opened for business, so I recommend bringing cash to pay for your meal (the CC machine might not be operational). After dinner, more boating and drinking. That's the plan.

The party boat will be anchored at a dock in neighborhood of "The Lakes," at a small park on the NE corner of Driftwood Drive & Compass Road (the major streets are Rural & Baseline in Tempe). If you need more help finding the place, call me.

Who: The first 11 people that RSVP by email or call me at 480-703-7475
What: Booze and Cruz, Dine, Booze and Cruz
When: Saturday, January 18th. Boat leaves dock just after 7:00PM
Where: The dock at the intersection of East Driftwood Drive & South Compass Road, Tempe 85283. See maps attached.
How: RSVP & BYOB

Jonas

P.S. We're in public - put a brown bag on it. And don't forget that it's
cold outside at night.

When: Friday, January 17th, 2003 around 10ish
Where: Payne-Thomas house... [Map]
Why: Theres a keg of Newcastle...do we need another reason?
Who: Akpsiers, the ukazu clan, strangers? who cares?

So, come hang out, drink, hear some stories, and have a good time.

Who: soldierleisure, Swell Clothing and Records, and Shade Magazine are collaborating to sponsor a show for soldierleisure and its new shirt line. And you're invited.

What: Fashion Show, retail store selling all new, limited number prints of soldierleisue's new shirts, jackets, hoodies, tanktops, hats, beanies, and girls' panties. Drinks by Mickey's Hangover will be served, for free. Furious Styles Breakdancing crew will be there. DJ Element will play the music.

When: December 13th, this Friday.

Where: Monorchid Gallery / Shade Magzine
214 E. Roosevelt, Phoenix AZ [ MAP ]

Why: 7th year of soldierleisure pumping out fresh and orginal product.

5$ at door. Grab a drink from the bar, theyre free, just tip well. show starts at 7pm. If you are looking to purchase soldierleisure, the earlier you arrive the better the chances of you finding what you want. fashion show: 1st show at 8:30, 2nd show at 9:30. An original approach to the "fashion show", soldierleisure stylee. The event will probably go on well into the night.

Any questions, email Mr. Brown (abrown@soldierleisure.com) and he'll get back to you.

Wednesday night at 7:30pm, we'll gather at Ra on Mill Avenue for some sushi and some saki. If you don't like sushi, you can come along and try the seppuku, I hear it's great. At 9:00pm, after we restore our minds and bodies with a bit of Japanese sustenance and stimulating conversation (in English, I hope), we'll mosey a couple of blocks to the House of Tricks on Seventh Street, just East of Myrtle. The House of Tricks is a wonderful place to relax and drink cocktails under big trees. And that is precisely what we shall do.

If you're only able to catch a piece of the action, don't feel inadequate, come on out for what you can. Ra is good for great food and Tricks a fine place to catch up in comfort.

Don't be a chicken, don't be a square. I miss you and you know it, so come on out and party.

Okay, so Sheryl Crow has never once shown up to our Happy (3) Hour(s) on Thursday nights at Mickey's Hangover in Scottsdale, but I'm there every Thursday peeling the labels off my Amstel Light. So if you're ever looking for a good, relaxing, beer-drinking, movie-watching, couch-lounging, feet on the table, $2.50 Amstel, half-price pizza, laid-back time, and it happens to be the fourth day of the work week, then stop by Mickey's Hangover between 5 and 8. Any questions, give me a call.